This is for anyone who’s ever felt longing turn into self-doubt. May these words remind you that choosing yourself is the most sacred act of love.

There are moments in life when love appears like a gentle breeze
carrying prayers you whispered long ago.

Sometimes it shows up soft and nourishing
warming parts of you that thought they had retired from wanting.

Sometimes it arrives to remind you how much you’ve grown
and how much you’re still unwilling to trade
for a taste of something that almost fits.

When Someone Feels Like an Answer

Recently, I found myself in one of those tender, tangled places.

He came into my life like an answer.
He offered warmth and presence.
He opened his home and his hands to care for me
in ways my independent spirit had nearly forgotten it still craved.

He fed me well.
He cleaned my car, fixed little things I would have done alone.
He made me laugh until my belly hurt
and let me rest in the comfort of his arms.

For a flicker of time I wondered... maybe this was it.
The softness I had been praying for.

The Spark and the Whisper

We talked about dreams and futures.
About children.
About starting fresh and building something true.

His longing brushed against mine
and stirred an old spark in me that I thought I had laid to rest at thirty-eight.

I felt my heart say maybe.
Maybe this is the season to open fully.
Maybe this is the door I have been waiting for.

Yet in the quiet spaces between words
I felt the tension too.

He spoke about bodies, health, fitness
in a way that brought my softness up for silent inspection.

I saw it in his eyes at the gym
in the way his glance measured my belly, my curves, the pace of my breath.

That old familiar whisper returned.

Am I enough like this?
Do I need to tighten up, shrink down, smooth out
just to be worthy of this tenderness staying?

I Sat With That Whisper

Once upon a time
I would have believed it.

I would have wrapped myself tighter
agreed to eat less, move more, laugh smaller
apologize for the space my softness takes up.

But not now.

Not after the years I have spent returning to my body
as a home instead of an enemy.

Not after all the prayers I have spoken over my own curves
my enoughness
my longing for love that holds all of me
not just the version that is easy to display.

When the Dream Fades

So when the conversations about children faded into fear and excuses
when the warmth turned cool
when the readiness slipped back into old wounds he wasn’t ready to heal
I felt that familiar ache.

The same ache you may know well.
The one that tempts you to wonder if maybe you are the problem.
Maybe if you just stay a little longer, bend a little more, squeeze yourself smaller
love will stay too.

I felt the ache.

Then I felt my truth rise up stronger.

I will not shrink for love.
Not now.
Not ever again.

So I chose to leave
gently and honestly.

With no resentment
only gratitude for what we shared.

I thanked him for the warmth and the laughter
for the flicker of a dream that reminded me what I truly want.

I packed my things
closed his door behind me
and drove myself back home.

Both lighter and heavier at once.

Longing Is Not a Punishment

Here is what longing teaches us.
It is not punishment.
It is not proof we are foolish to want more.

It is a compass.
Pointing us toward what is truly ready to meet us
fully, freely
without conditions that demand our smallness.

I miss him.
I miss waking up with someone breathing beside me
the ease of being looked after.
I miss the way his presence made the world feel softer for a moment.

But missing him does not mean I made a mistake.
Missing him means my heart is awake
still open for the kind of love that does not weigh me on invisible scales.

What I Really Want

So I sat with my longing
and asked myself again — what do I really want?

I want a love that delights in my softness
as it is today.

A love that says yes to my belly
and my unpolished edges.

A love that can hold the reality of children
a future
a life built in truth
not as a someday fantasy
but as a sacred now.

I want presence that does not slip away when fear comes knocking.
Someone whose eyes stay kind when I am messy.
Who keeps laughing with me when I am ordinary.
Whose touch anchors me
instead of measuring me.

If You Know This Ache

If you are here, reading this
maybe you are feeling that same ache.

Maybe you too sat across from someone who felt like a promise
but turned out to be a bridge.

Maybe your prayers brought someone who cracked you open
just enough to show you how much more your heart is ready for.

If so, I want to remind you...
you did not fail because you chose yourself.
You did not waste your prayers or your time.

Longing does not mean you have to go back
and squeeze yourself into something that cannot hold you fully.

Longing means you are alive.
Your softness is sacred.
Your dreams are not too big.
Your heart is not too much.

A Gentle Ritual

When I felt my heart still tethered to him by invisible threads
I did a small ritual.

I sat alone with a candle and my breath.
I placed my hand on my chest
and I said thank you.
Thank you for the sweetness, for the lessons, for the spark.

I imagined that cord between us — gold and warm and beautiful —
then I cut it.
Gently.
Lovingly.

I called my energy home.
I filled the empty place with golden light
and whispered to myself:
I am whole. I am worthy. I am free.

If you feel that cord tugging at your ribs tonight
maybe this is your moment too.

Find your quiet place.
Place your hand over your heart.
Honor what was sweet.
Release what cannot stay.
Call yourself back.

Remind yourself — you do not have to shrink for love that is real.
You do not have to earn tenderness with your silence or your sacrifice.

You Are Already Enough

May you trust that the love you want
wants you too
just as you are
not as you promise to become.

May you trust that your longing is holy.
That your prayers never require your smallness
in exchange for being answered.

May you trust that you are already enough
for the softness you crave.

And when the ache returns
place your hand on your heart.
Feel your own warmth.
Breathe into the beautiful truth
that you are not alone.

You are not too much.
You are not behind.
You are simply here
on the edge of the life that is ready for your full presence.

I see you
exactly as you are.

And you are already enough.

If these words find you at the right time
I hope you let them hold you.

If you feel called to share your story
my door is open.

If you long for a safe space to remember your own enoughness
I am here for you.

May we all remember this.
Choosing ourselves is never a loss.
It is the deepest kind of love there is…<3

With warmth and truth,
Emina 💞
Yin Yang Healing Arts

#soulmedicine #IChooseMe #EmotionalSpiritualWellness

When Longing Wakes Us Up: Choosing Yourself Without Shrinking